flop ya mac out

Everyday concerns of health and well-being are tossed aside to make way for in-depth discussion on the iPad, and what it means for menstruating geeks around the world, dying to get one down their trousers.

When one thing leads to another…

As the next episode of Flop Ya Mac Out will be posted after Apple’s media event (27th of Jan), we wanted to give our viewers/readers a heads up on some details of what to expect from the likely announcement of an Apple tablet.

Daniel says…

The tablet will revolutionise the living room.

Imagine sitting down on the couch, with your Apple tablet, and a cool glass of fig juice. The tablet will be your stable table. Hungry? A bowl of wedges with a sprig of lemon grass will feel right at home on your lap, too.

The tablet will follow you to the bathroom as well.

Simply turn it around so that the mirror-like stainless steel back faces you and shave to the soundtrack of your beard.

The tablet will change book reading foh-ever.

You like to listen to music. You like to watch youtube video’s titled “Hot chicks kissing!”. You also like to read books. The tablet will double as a multi-media bookmark for the masses, that will do oh-so-much-more than just saving what page you’re up to. Keyboard Cat/Harry Potter mash-up, anyone?

In the same way, the tablet will forever change how our children and children’s grand-children look at naughty pictures in the school library, disguising their e-porn behind a How I Was Made book. … Mm, bad example.

Jason says…

Clearly it will be a pill, not a tablet. Curing cancer with one orally taken tablet will be one of the most important things Steve Jobs has ever done.

Failing that, it should finally provide news conglomerates justification to charge for content, making the pay-wall debate online a null issue. My question though – if there are all these content deals going on between Apple and newspapers – what’s to stop people just navigating to their website? Tell me there won’t be a browser check implemented to funnel people towards the paid content app on the device.

I’ve heard that it has an inconspicuous stand that ‘tucks’ away. The user must stroke the unit and whisper sweet nothings for the stand to ‘come out’. This is said to improve the bond between man and machine.

It will also include a hook for wall hangings. Family portraits, porno, anything.

The device won’t include a flash, be that for the camera, or from Adobe.

It will support face detection. There!

Two snakes, one bed, a camera, two laptops and a bonsai – whaddaya get? A lot of cake eating and serious discussion about Apple products. Welcome to Flop Ya Mac Out – now available in 3D!

A new year is upon us
Perhaps a tablet, too.
But trumping all these Applely things
Is something just for you.
Take heed of your pod-catcher
Widen up your tubes.
A fat surprise shall come your way
Via iTunes, very soon…

Nine months after the immaculate conception of Jesus Christ, many moons ago, Daniel prays for a miracle of his own, as his iPhone lies comatose in its dock. And Jason gets hungry for revenge as he finds out about Google’s cookie.

Daniel reveals his vintage hard-rubbish collection. Jason laments the day Google starts indexing speech in video, and Daniel gives explanations for things he knows next to nothing about.

Jason meets Doctor Wave! Jailbreaking and iPhone hacking gets a thorough workout, and the future of the Apple mouse is hashed out and passed around the circle of Mac-fan-daddy’s.