By Steven Frank (via Merlin Mann)

If Jobs were not born

Apple products I could not yearn

I have me no lady

But I have a picture of you above my bed.

Steve Jobs, only because of you

Do I have something to look forward to

Come next Tuesday morn

I’ll wake not with a yawn

As I’ll wake at dawn

Not to surf porn

But I’ll open up Engadget and Macrumors too

To view the live reporting of the WWDC Keynote – Ooo!

Loins firm, eyes peeled for what I shall next consume

Sleepless night…

Sleepless night’o'joy.   

Geared up for the long waiting line at the Apple store, along with the patented Apple buzz and anticipation, Daniel and Jason were in for something rather different…

Time for some first person narration. Jason took to the wheel of his BMW, and money in hand, we took off into the sunset to get ourselves some sexy spots.

One of the first there! Excellent. That meant that we were the geekiest of the geeks around. Ready to line up to purchase a computer operating system, and prompt.

So we lined up next to the man in the red monkey suit, who had audio equipment there with him. Leopard Sir? No? Oh okay. Lemme guess… Busking? Failed Australian Idol contestant looking to make a comeback in front of a group of mac fans? Perhaps running some Karaoke to warm up the voices for when we cheered “Shit yeah! Six o’clock! Die Windows!”.

He told us he was there to help let people know, the action was here. Fair enough!

But hang on, where was the line of people leading a mile down the footpath from the store? Hmm. Something was up. Was it Friday today? Yep, definitely Friday.

Maybe everyone was jam packed inside? Inside we go to find out!

…

Chapter 2.

(Third person) Daniel timedly stepped over the threshold and took in his surroundings… Jason jumped through the doorway and shouted “Woohoo!”. And… And… More after the break.

(What’s with the break thingy? Back to first person.) Silence. There was practically silence. No one even looked around to see who the enthusiastic youth “wooting” was, let alone give him a huge cheer!

Sadly enough, we took the total number of patrons up to about four.

WTF?!? WTH!?! WTFWGOH? There’s a singing monkey out the front, big Leopard signs up in the window, but more macs in the room than people! Damn! What a let down!

And what else was a little disconcerting, perhaps more so than the lack of mac fans was that the other patrons in the store consisted of one teen geek, and middle aged men who’d stopped masturbating over images cut out of the Womans Weekly long enough to come and pick up a copy of Leopard to pull off over. Sorry guys. No lingerie models in that Leopard manual.

But i kid. We were no better than them, and they no better than us. We were all present for a common purpose. And so the countdown began, counting down (in our heads) and on the computer screens.

To fill in the time until we had to fight our way in front of four, no five now, pale Caucasians, we had a wander round the store. And what is this i saw! I thought Sennheiser was generally a pretty groovy outfit, with some really nice products… But what was this? A bad German translation? Or just a really bad attempt to get some teenage purchases?

And thanks to that stylish PC tool for modeling that package wonderfully.

At 5:55pm, the gang of mac fans were surprised with an early treat of Leopard savouries. One of the staff members booted up an iMac with Apple’s retail demo installation of Leopard – complete with John Appleseed and co. populating the Address Book.

The staff member gave a little bit of a demo of cover flow in the Finder and a few other token things like Stacks and that.

Then the geek contingent very diplomatically took a few mouse clicks in turn. I watched on as another enthusiastic youth got his jollies.

No porn was loaded on this computer, so Jason decided to entertain the crowd with some sexy dancing.

And as if that wasn’t entertaining enough, our red friend outside started up some fun of his own!

I wasn’t too far off when i joked to him about doing karaoke either. He busted out a saxa-ma-phone and got tootin’ alongside some backing tracks! Pure gold.

Surely the Mac fans would now come in droves!!…

Okay, so Leopard time was… 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, finally here!

Everyone politely lined up (Airport Extreme in Jason’s arm) and purchased their copy of Leopard. Non-event!

But what was super cool was the hologram on the box! You gotta see it in person. Really cool!

Oh yeah! And we each got a Leopard t-shirt. Rather shit actually! Bit of a let down, but free, so who cares. If it was one of those cool retro changes-colour-with-heat t-shirts, that would have made it just-pissed-higher-than-my-body-height! cool.

So into the car and off home to install the thing!

And so what did Jason and i learn from this whole experience?

I think it would be that if you are looking for a great OS X purchasing experience, don’t expect it in Australia. Go to America.

(Did anyone have a more exciting experience at one of the city stores in the land of Oz?)

We’ll get back to you on how Leopard panned out for us! Happy installing, all!